princess in training

I just cant get over the fact that there's this something out there that's probably waiting for me to give it a try. It's been bothering me for ages, and when i say ages, IT REALLY IS AGES. sigh. the dilemma. You know, sometimes i think that im some stupid ass who looks for problem, instead of the other way round. It's not really THAT bad a thing but the problems can be soo vexing and confusing that its taking up so much bloody time. I could have just ignored it and lead a more peaceful life but seems like i just cant let it go! urgh. I think by the end of this whole darnchangeifyouthinkitsgoingtobebetter thing, my lifespan would have been shortened by 5 years?? or even 10 years! ARGH. I wouldnt expect most people to understand what the hell im going through cos its a damn stupid-annoying-confusing-irritating-vexing issue that most people wont even bother to consider it (looking at the current situation). Yet its actually just a yes/no issue. AHHH i cant even decide between A YES AND A NO. what am i doing??!!! trying to repeat the bloody decision i made a few years back????????? trying to re-enact the scenes/history????!! seriously, sometimes the simplest thing can be the hardest. and the hardest thing can be the simplest. maybe i should be like those actors/actresses in the shows, take a sunflower or any flower with many petals and start peeling them off one by one -- but instead of "she/he loves me? she/he loves me not?", i can probably change it to "should i or should i not?"

sigh.

i wish i have the answer.

sigh.

it'll all end soon. SOON ENOUGH. (i hope)