princess in training

It really just occurred to me that I THINK not only when I have nothing to do, I think like nearly all the time. And when I say think, it’s not like just thinking about what to say, but like really serious stuff that’ll affect my mood n stuff like that. Perhaps the thinking bug has caught me. Today was a REALLY FUN DAY for orientation! I simply love it, it’s super cool and all and of course there’s another special reason that made it so enjoyable *winks*. Haha! It’s been a damn long day, and many things happened. I really don’t know if it’s a god thing or a bad thing but it certainly made me more aware of myself as an individual and more aware of what things really are like. It’s a sensitive issue, and well, it doesn’t involve a lot of people. It really just hit me that nothing is so perfect as it seems? I was perhaps a little too naïve to think the word “PERFECT” exists in this real world. I mean, it all seemed too good. Yet on the other hand, should I listen to something that is spread around/gossip? Opinions and views are biased but they just make you feel like believing them. I seriously have no proof at all! But subconsciously, you are debating within yourself – whether it is true or untrue. And it gets to such a point that even though you have not made up your mind whether to believe or not to, it kinda like ‘wake you up’? make you realize that you should never put in your emotions too early, or believe in someone without having a single doubt or guard up. It’s…it’s just so weird, it’s like after so long then you have such thoughts? But at least better late than never. I have really started to think about the seriousness of it all, why perhaps is not the live I want, how I can really prepare myself to face such adversities, and of course, be more on guard? I guess the whole thing is just bizarre, and it all started with just a weird sentence said. I don’t know, I really don’t. Is it time to be like jane austen’s characters? Is it time to back off a while? To give myself a break? I don’t get it how a sentence can simply affect me so much and the thing is I have no solid proof to say that that ‘accusation’ is true! It hurts a lot just to think about it. It hurts to hear it being said. What will hurt most is it being true. Of course I don’t want it to be true, but sometimes things are just out of your control. I mean, yeah of course im definitely sad to hear that being said… like a part of my heart has been chipped off and I really don’t deny how a rather big impact it has on me. Sigh well, is it time to actually do something? (although I don’t really have any idea on what to do – confess? Confront? Ignore it?) It’s been a long, long journey and I have no wish of ending it here. Let’s just pray that it is not true.

Heh by the way, maybe another thing is brewing. Cant wait. I love my og *winks*